I'm home for summer now... already it's beginning to grate my nerves; my parents were arguing within the time it took my dad to take his coat off when he got home. At least my mom is sober; that's always the worst part. But all in all tonight has been okay... then again, it's still early so maybe I shouldn't I shouldn't jinx it.
Tomorrow I head back to school for two exams; both of which I am in all likeliness failing miserably. This was a terrible semester for me... I know it looks like I'm just lazy (skipping classes, not doing assignments, etc.) but that's not the case. I've just been losing all ambition to do anything these days... I mean, when I'm depressed and lethargic I can understand my inability to concentrate or care about grades. When I'm anxious you would think I do better, but I fear the imminent failure and can't even try to do a task I know I won't succeed at. If ever there is a time where depression and anxiety aren't inhibited my studies, I still can't focus because I still know I'll fail at them. I'm really not that smart, not academically at least. I have a lot of common sense, and know a lot about random things, but sitting and studying and listening to lectures... I just can't do it. I need to be doing something. Anything.
The more I think about it, the more art school seems like a good choice for me.
Yeah, a good portion of it is still sitting in class listening. But not all of it; there are parts where I get to create, and make things. I don't know what I want to do after college, but I know whatever it is must consist of making things.
I'm pleased with my theater participation the past year, actually. I was in Comic Relief, I applied for and was accepted to Wacky Hijinks. I've made some fantastic friends in CAP and have learned a lot. I know more about putting on a play than I ever thought I would, as well as about writing them. I may try my hand at directing next year. I became much more social; I have an easier time meeting new people now than I used to. Hell, I ever scored a boyfriend out of the whole ordeal. Now I'm getting ready for another play to put on in August at FringeNYC, which I am really excited for...
Ah, it's time for me to start studying for serious; I've been half-ass studying all day, time to get cracking.
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4 comments:
If you hate home so much, you should just come live with me.
I would much rather live with you than here... I plan to stay with you as often as you'll let me this summer. <3
So...always?
If that's how often you'll tolerate me, then yes!
My friend Nikki is still quite upset that you're stealing me this summer. ;P
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