We weren't rushed to get to shows, rehearsals, classes, etc. as we have been the last few months. I feel like I've never really been able to enjoy a vacation before now. Every day I'm stuck at home, I am counting down till I see you again rather than counting away days of my life.
I've become increasingly self-aware the last few months. I've been changing a lot; not so much changing as maturing, really. I'm finally beginning to understand what I believe in so many things; how I want to live my life, why that is, my flaws, how to fix them, what I consider most important in life, how I wish I was perceived and it's relation to how I am perceived... it's odd.
That one afternoon in April, where we were all contained in our minds changed me so much and so subtly, but thanks to that day and this absurd self-awareness, I am detecting it. I don't know if anyone else has or even can.
I'm still a mess inside, but I feel good. Most of the time.
I've been saying to you and a few others (but I feel like the world can tell) how lucky I am, how worried I feel that this luck will run out and I'll be left without you. I can't shake that worry because I know if I ever lose it completely, it will happen and I don't want to end this happiness.
I never really understood how happy another person could make me, or how anyone could ever love me. I still don't quite understand that last part, but I believe it; and I'm starting to understand the first... I started understanding it just two months ago.
You make me
so happy.
2 comments:
I love you.
Deal with it, everyone.
ps. I love that picture. And not just because your boobs look awesome.
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