I knew the Irish ruled for a reason...

And it's not just because of their adorable accents.
My roommate Kayla showed me this banned Guinness commercial after I showed her a much less funny and much more cliched joke someone else sent me.
Decided to share it with you fine people. And by "fine people" I am fairly certain I mean "maybe Jon," since no one else reads this anyway.


Banned Commercial For Guinness - Watch more Girl Videos

"Let's Boogie to the Elf Dance!"

New career goal: Give Stephanie Meyer a run for her money.

If she can make a shit ton of money with the crappy, uninventive vampire romance stuff she gets published, so can I, right? Especially since, while my writing is not much above mediocre, it is way better than hers.



In other news, it's time to start listening to Sufjan Steven's Songs for Christmas!
I normally don't start listening to any holiday music until after Thanksgiving, but Sufjan's Christmas album is just so good (with song titles like the subject line of this blog entry, how cna it nnot be?), I have decided I dislike limiting myself to listening to it for only one month a year.
So, I'll extend it to about two months.

Time to read lots of science-y philosophy stuff that is way over my head.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


-e.e. cummings



One day, I hope to be my own entire person.
Today is not that day.
Today, I just need you.

Busy Bee Buzzes.

Just looking at my calender is stressing me the fuck out.
How can a human being do everything I need to do this month?
At least November is tame looking...
December is going to be hell, though, what with finals, lots of papers due, a wonky work schedule cause of exams, holidays, and directing a fucking show.
As much as I am excited about directing, I really wish I had waited till Spring, like I intended. But we needed directors, I saw it as my sort of duty to help out with it, and I wasn't planning on taking 18 credits when I said I'd do it. Then again, even with 15 I don't think I'd have had the time.
I'm taking one, maybe two, classes over the winter as well. No break for me.
And in the spring I plan to take 18 credits again. That, work, Hijinks, and hunting for somewhere to live off campus is going to drive me an early grave I'm sure.
All I know is, if not next week definitely the one after, I am going to have to become a paper-writing, studying fiend. I have a paper due next Tuesday, my Screenwriting treatment (5 pages) due next Thursday, my Soc. & Polit. Philosophy midterm next Friday, my logic midterm Monday the 20th, a paper for 1970's due Wed. the 22, and my Philosophy of Science midterm Friday the 24.
Oh, and the week of the 20 is tech week for Comic Relief.

Other news:
I pitched my movie for Screenwriting today. It's a zombie movie again, but not the one I originally intended. I think my professor liked it, he had only one critique to make of it (not making the zombies appear till act two instead of act one, which is indeed a good idea. I'm annoyed at myself for not doing that to begin with).
I am naming the characters all after people I know!
The three main characters are Holly Waldron, Andy Herron, and Greg Dalton. Jon McDermott gets killed early on, as does his movie girlfriend, Kristin Castello (Kristin as in Kristin Bell, Jon's celebrity-lover; I felt narcissistic putting a character named after myself in my own movie).
I also am planning on naming a police officer "Officer C. Holt" (C = Colin!), and the owner of a convenience store they go into "Judd Kingsbury". I am not sure what other characters they will definitely encounter yet, but as I write it I hope to fit as many as my friends names in as possible.
Sorry, everyone; there is a 99% chance you will all get eaten by zombies. Nothing personal.

I saw a lot of unexpected people today. Sightings include: Clark, Ralph, Chris Z., Matia, and Andrew, one of Jon's housemates (I think I have seen all of his housemates at least once, randomly, this week). It was nice to see all these people, and it makes me feel horrible for not keeping in contact with them (and especially for being so distant from my much beloved Basemen).
I'm such a jerk. A busy, busy, stressed out jerk.


Alright, enough bitching. Time to get this logic homework out of the way before rehearsal.





FUCK I HAVE TO LEARN MY LINES! @#%$!!!!

Human Behavior, and some hippie nonsense.

People fascinate me.
I apply everything I've experienced from knowing, seeing, speaking to, and/or hearing about people to every social situation I go through. It's really quite fascinating, and has taught me a lot about how people think and why. It enables me to be braced for people's reactions to extreme events/occurrences, to give advice to others about how to act or to explain why someone may have reacted to something the way they did. I still think, sometimes, that maybe psych was the right path for me; not as a career, but as a study. I sort of mourn the loss of time now, since I plan to go down a career path completely irrelevant to my major anyway-- I may as well have done something with a bit more clout than philosophy, right?
I am still shocked by how terrible some people, are. Or by how I can misjudge them.
I've always had a pessimistic view of modern society, but a more positive one of the nature of the individual.
Over the last few months, perhaps a year or so, I've been rather surprised by just how awful some people are. And how some people who behave terribly, but are really good people, are simply ignorant and un-desiring of change.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately, and how sad it is. It's rather cheesey of me to say, but I do think everyone deserves to be happy, and I am convinced that no one can be happy while they're also being a dick. And I don't see how they can not change that if they can.
This journal is prompted by no event, really. Just some thoughts that have been floating around my brain more frequently in the last few weeks than usual. I am feeling eloquent right now, wanted to get them out.

In other news, I am surprised that so few people seem to appreciate the beauty of the world around them. They don't even seem to notice it.
I was walking down College Ave after class today. It was about 6 o'clock, and the buildings were that golden, orange-yellow color they turn when the sun sets just right. The saplings along the sidewalk have lemon yellow leaves now, and many litter the ground. People were walking, talking, and laughing. Hurrying to or from class. Goofing around. Listening to their iPods and minding themselves. A flock of tiny birds took off while I approached Brower and filled the sky with dozens of tiny black winged specks. Then they were gone.
It was gorgeous and no one seemed to notice, or even want to notice. They never do. I did, though.
I guess that's what makes it so special.

I know it's for the best, but I can't help but feel worthless.

I guess it means I'll have the time to do my homework, though.

Hue Test

I got this while procrastinating my mound of homework with Stumble and it was fun... I got a score of 37, with 0 being a perfect score. It was tricky; staring at my computer screen made it difficult to discern the colors after a certain amount of time passed. Also, my laptop screen distorts colors depending on the angle you have it at, so maybe that had some bearing on my dismal score.
I can only hope!

It's the End of the World as we Know it!

Do you feel fine?

Hah. What a cheesey title.
But no, really. The world is supposedly possibly going to end on Wednesday. Or maybe approximately four years from Wednesday.
A Welsh Physicist is flipping the switch of a giant atomic generator on Wednesday in order to try and recreate the environment of the Big Bang. This may be totally groundbreaking and awesome for science, or it will be literally groundbreaking and cause black holes to errupt all over the planet, effectively destroying life.
I don't think it will really destroy the world, but you can't help but think... what if it does?

All I can say is, the knowledge of the apocalypse possibly happening on Wednesday is making reading for 18th Century Novel harder to focus on than it was before.


To read about it for yourself, check out this handy article my friend Greg sent me.

First Post of September!

My friend Greg sent me a link to this video. It's a commercial for a German energy company called Epuron. It won an award at the International Advertising Festival in Cannes like a year ago or something. My professional opinion: I think it's a cute commercial!






The semester has begun. My classes don't seem too difficult so far, just very heavy homework loads. I will hopefully be able to manage it... however, I doubt I'll have the time to work on CR. I want to, but I really shouldn't... I'll see how I feel when auditions roll around.

Dream Writing...

So, last night I had more bizarre dreams. First, I had to fight some dude in the ghost level of Mario 64; he was a villain based off some sort of Beanie Baby. Then I was on a train playing bad video games with Jon (who just happened to be on the same train as me to get somewhere else) and some random woman he was sitting next to. Then we were at a carnival still playing bad video games; one was called "Angels v.s. Predator" and was about Charles Angel's versus... Predator. And it turns out that the video game was based on a book, and Lucy Lu was there doing book signings on it. Everyone went inside to get one, there was also some other sort of event going on in the building, but in order to get in you needed a signed book. Which cost $17, which I didn't find out till I got to her. I had been the last in line (as usual) so everyone else had already paid and gone in. I just turned around and went back inside. At some point before then, I had said jokingly that my goal in life was to write an awesome book that got made into a really bad video game. For some reason, I meant it seriously in the dream and starting thinking of ways to turn the carnival we were at into a bad video game. Then I got an actual idea for a story and sat down on a bench to write it down in the notebook Andy gave me from China.
Then I woke up and I still remember the idea I had and if I work on it, it's pretty good.

Wish it hadn't happened at the end of the summer, though!

Time to pack, as I'm moving back to the dorm TOMORROW, WOO!

Fall Semester Resolutions

Just to help encourage me, and to help me keep my head on straight!

1. Keep a planner with assignments, meetings, exams, etc. up-to-date.
2. Actually use the aforementioned planner
3. Keep up with class readings; don't say "oh, I can finish this tomorrow before class..."
4. Study for exams. Word is, that helps.
5. Go to office hours for at least one class at least every other week!
6. Don't sign on for any extra CAP obligations.
7. Practice Photoshop, learn Illustrator.
8. Be more optimistic; not everyone secretly hates you.
9. Make friends in class. It's not that hard, right?
10. Quit smoking!!!
11. Buy a bike.
12. No more C's!
13. Don't take naps. They feel great, but that's how you end up skipping class...
14. DON'T SKIP CLASS! Short of hospitalization, no reason is as good as you convince yourself it is.
15. Hit the gym once in a while, Tubs.
16. Don't waste money on silly things.
17. Okay, don't waste too much money on silly things.
18. Go bed at decent hours!



In other news, I watched They Live the other day and it was awesome. I also watched the most recent live-action Peter Pan, which was positively adorable. Tonight I watched Sudden Manhattan at Brandon's; it was weird and had a lot of completely pointless lines and characters in it, and nothing was really made clear. I enjoyed watching it, but I don't think it's too good of a movie. I want to finish watching Smiley Face.
I move into my dorm Monday... can't wait to get back to school for the year!

Sexy Time

Jon and I are hosting an orgy.
Be. Pre. Pared.


It will be awesome.

America 20XX

What have I been up to these last 4 months?
Here. Let me show you.

iDol relates to us better.

Always trust the dying. Now matter how gay they seem. Especially if it's in the script.

Drink lots of milk. It's good for you, so you can flex as well as possible!

The U.S. Constitution is pure of heart.

Take that, Interstate Commerce!

Ultimate Super-Couple.

the Power Patriots in America 20XX: the Right (Invisible) Hand of Capitalism

Curiosity peaked? Check out the America 20XX website for show dates and ticket information.

More Night Time Madness

So last night, I dreamed that a Hijinks-like show was going on. I remember going to rehearsal with Jon, Greg, and Dave. I think other WH people were there, but I only remember them. I guess because I've been seeing them so much due to the play and such. Anyway, I remember we were at a performance and afterwards we drove to a store to get things, I am guessing it was a liquor store. And Jon was talking about how he had a dream that previous night where he met some mega hot chick and crazy stuff happened (perhaps he mentioned a dream because we've both been talking about how we have crazy dreams, lately?). A car pulls in in the next to us and some mega hot chick, who was exactly the girl in his dream, gets out of the car and walks into the store. Jon doesn't say anything, but just gets out of the car and hurries in. I see him talking and flirting with her through the window, but because I'm under 21 I can't go in and do anything. I get out of the car really angrily and walk to Greg and Dave's house. They live on the second floor of a super nice house in the dream (as opposed to the first floor of a pretty decent house) and below them is a bunch of guys who are drug dealers. I pass them closing a deal as I go inside Greg and Dave's and then just sit around their empty house, really upset that Jon left me. I take out his bowl and stuff, which he'd asked me to carry, and sat in their apartment smoking by myself.
I heard someone walking up the stairs talking and it was Dave and Greg, cause I could hear them through the door, talking about how Jon went home with that other girl.
Then I woke up cause my alarm went off.

Not a very good dream.

Strange Dreaming...

I already had a brief post of my weird dreams in my livejournal, but it's starting to get ridiculous. After Jon said he's also been having odd dreams, I have to wonder if there's just something in the water down in New Brunswick or something. I very rarely remember my dreams, and when I do I forget the details really quickly. However, though my memories of these recent dreams are highly fragmented, if anything that lends to the sense of oddness around them.
I had one dream that featured the members of CAP about 20 years from now. In this alter-reality dream-world, we had pulled off some kind of heist years previous and then went our seperate ways. Holly was managing some kind ballet theater but also running a massive drug ring... I stole money from her via blackmail I think. I remember a part of the dream where I was clutching the money and pointing a gun at her while I slowly backed out of the building we were in (her theater). Jon and I had broken up in the dream, and he'd married Emma and they had a daughter with outrageously curly (but also absolutely adorable) blonde hair. I guess blonde cause Emma's in dyed that color-- since neither of them are blondes. I think also met Greg for lunch at some kind of mall-esque food court in the bottom floor of a hotel, but then realized I was being tailed by whatever enemies I had in the dream and there was a chase scene.

Another dream involved a war in a marsh lands, in which everyone lived, and we were evacuating on rafts. My Uncle Chris was there, whom I haven't seen for several years, which was odd; though he works in the military so maybe that's why he was in a war-dream. Anyway all I really remember of that dream was that there were planes flying overhead and an explosion and the raft rocked really hard, knocking Uncle Chris off and into the water. The raft wouldn't stop to get him and I couldn't reach him/pull him up. I remember thinking how it was all my fault, and how my mom was going to yell at me so much for losing him (weird that I imagined her yelling, as Chris is my father's sister's husband, so I imagine that side of the family would be far more angry).

Another dream was also water-bound, but I remember so little of it. Something about dolphins. And a train that went over the water-- it reminds me of the train from Spirited Away.

Last night I had a dream where I was arrested for some sort of parking ticket(?) and sentenced to 2 years in prison. It was a pretty nice prison though. White plaster walls, good lighting... We wore our own clothing. One entire wall was nothing but bars and the door, and that was pretty much the only normal thing about it. Everyone was also really nice; it had a feeling between prisoners that was reminiscent of a sleep away camp. Jon had also been arrested for something, I don't know what but he was there in the cell either across from me or next to me, I don't remember. But I do remember that he broke out and escaped, but left me behind. At one point he snuck back into the jail with Lauryn (my older sister) in order to visit me and all the prisoners he'd made friends with. He refused to break me out, though, because he said he'd been so successful and living secretly as an escaped convict and he told me it would ruin everything if he broke me out too. I was really upset by that of course, and when I started crying and begging him to break me out he left and there was this whole dramatic dream scene that involved me reaching through the bars after him while he walked away as I dropped to my knees with a forlorn "Nooooooo!" My cell mate comforted me, which was nice of her.
There was a part of the dream where I got to go outside and walk in a forest; the idea of it actually reminds me now of Cinderella 2000 when she goes out into the forest... without the sketchy space Fairy Godfather and giant rabbit sex and stuff. It was like, if you get enough merits for good behavior or something you can go outside. I remember I had been given a notebook by someone I met out there and was so happy to be able to write that I spent the whole time in the forest sitting and writing. Then when I had to go back to the jail, they wouldn't let me keep the notebook and I was so upset. I remember sitting at a desk while they processed me back inside or something, crying and begging them to just let me have the notebook.
I think I woke up around then, but I'm not sure; there may have been more, but that's the most vivid memory of any of my recent dreams I have.


What's going on in my head?

Batspices!

I just had a dream where I was in Dark Knight. But since I have gone out of my way not to know anything about the movie, the scene of course made no sense.
I was in a gigantic factory with Batman and other people and the Joker was making Batman succeed at all these weird challenges.
I don't remember the set up, but all I know is I got crushed beneath an obscene weight of cinnamon, under a door, while holding Batman's hand and yelling that he had to promise not to leave without me.

Wtf.

A Song Featuring My Self Esteem

"I am wrecked, I am overblown.
I'm also fed up with the common cold.
But I just hate to say goodbye
To all the metaphors and lies
That have taken me years to come up with...

Says it's true; say you like me (I like you)
Just for the night, for me it's been eternity.
And as I gently sip this drink
I think about my lack of future
And all the places I could learn to fall in love.

I know I shouldn't waste my time
Wishing I'd been better designed,
Yet for some reason still think

I am wrecked, I am overblown.
I'm also fed up with the fucking common cold.
When I want to feel alive
For the first time in my life
I just want to feel attractive today..."

- Motion City Soundtrack

As the next installment of my Me-Soundtrack, I think it's pretty self explanatory, though one of the reasons I chose this song to represent my self-image qualms is because I connect it to the friend who first played it for me; not due to the lyrics really, but due to the memories I have of amazing conversations with my Skeletal Structure sister(you know who you are!).

Self esteem issues in a young adult American female!!?!
Wtf?!

It's Like a Muse Slapped Me in the Face

I have some ideas to start writing about. I hope it works out... I haven't had story inspiration in years! I was inspired by someone I know over the course of a week vacation in Wildwood. He self-published a book and it's doing alright for a self-published book; I read a few passages and holy crap. I wrote better than that when I was in seventh grade. Well, I wrote about the same back then; my writing has certainly improved. Especially since I know a lot more about how books are structured than I ever used to.
I think I'm going to dredge up a novel I did finish writing (several years ago). It was terrible, but I think I'm going to take the story and alter it a bit... well, alter it a lot. Whole new plot, characters, style... just some things I want to keep.

I also came up with lots of ideas for my zombie movie, with much help from my friend Lyndsey.
I am stoked to get some writing done in the next few days!

You know, Donald, I used to be a dancer...

I have some time to kill while I wait for the shower to be free, so I figured I'd post song number three.

"Never Been to Spain" by Three Dog Night.




This song was first discovered by my friends and me in eleventh grade, when Mr. Downey (the best English teacher I've ever had) had us watch Scotland, PA after reading MacBeth. It stands to be one of my favorite movies ever still.
For me, being in eleventh grade English Honors was a huge deal, and the most academically exciting thing for me up to that point in life. You see, previously I'd been placed in the regular CP level English and to word this as politely as I can, I'll just say that it was filled with morons. And I mean morons. One girl, in a tenth grade English class, was reading out loud one day and pronounced the word "yacht" as "yat-chet."
I needed out.
More than simply being stuck with idiots that drove me insane, English was my favorite subject (save for photography when I took it). I was still writing then, often. I cranked out poetry and stories like a machine... man, I miss those days.
Anyway, I requested to be moved in English Honors. I had straight A's in English, my placement testing scores were in the 99th percentile. I belonged there.
I needed my current English teacher to sign a slip saying that I was up to par for EnglishH. I'd had the same teacher for freshman and sophomore year, who constantly praised my lack of retardation in comparisson to that of my class mates. I went to ask her to sign the slip and she said she would love to, and thought I really did belong in the honors class... "but if you do poorly, it'll be on my head."
So she didn't sign it.
And the school decided they wouldn't allow a parental override for me (while I know one other girl who had the same exact problems I did, but they let her in without a problem). Instead, they told me to right an essay. It could be on anything I chose and as long as I wanted.
I churned out an eight page essay about the different European myths that Tolkien based the Lord of the Rings on. It was awesome.
Instead of welcoming me joyously into the honors class, they accused me of plagiarism because "it was just too well written."

I know: isn't that sort of the point?

Well, I managed to get them to let me write another fucking essay. This time, they gave me a topic based on books we'd read in class and I had 45 minutes to write it. And my current English teacher had to watch me write it.
After writing a kick ass essay about Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird) and John Proctor (the Crucible) in which I managed to quote them exactly without the book there, they decided my skills "would do" for English Honors.


I had to fight so much and went through a lot of bullshit red tape that existed only for me in order to get into English Honors my junior year. And it was totally worth it.
I had class with my friends, which was nice. But the best part was I had great teachers for the next two years; Mr. Downey was amazing, and Mrs. Fernicola was just as fantastic. But Mr. Downey will forever my favorite because he was my rescue ship after years trapped on a desert island with morons.
When I hear this song, I remember junior year English class, and though it may be weird, I get very happy. I am reminded of the first time I ever really tried for something and succeeded, even after so many setbacks.
I wonder if I still have that determination somewhere in me? I haven't seen it again since.