Sometimes my stomach twists itself into knots over nothing. Nothing at all. Someone could greet me, wave, ignore me... I could remember an assignment I have due the next morning. Any small, insignificant thing can so easily trigger a horrible string of fear and anxiety.
I don't know what it's like not to worry about something. Even when I'm the happiest I've ever been, when all is going right in life, I worry. I fret. I fear it will end and I'll never reach that state of being ever again. It holds me back. I'm always terrified of making a fool of myself. I hate phones because I get myself very anxious when I call someone; what if they don't answer? What if I get their voicemail? Do I leave a message... what do I say? What if they answer?! What if they don't recognize my voice? What am I calling them for, again?
When I don't have a definite plan for something, I get very nervous. If I don't know exactly where I am going, when I'll be there, who else will be there and who is getting there when, I can't relax. And even when I've all that information, I worry that something will change last minute.
I'd like to spend some point in time in my life without worrying about anything at all... I want to be utterly carefree and happy with my life.
But I also want telekinesis; and I think that's far more likely to happen for me.
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